As a mother of two daughters, I know how hard it can be to stay close to a girl who is in the middle of growing up. If you sense your daughter pulling away or shutting you out of her life--and you feel helpless to stop the momentum--take the risk of opening yourself up to your daughter. Be there for her, listen to her, put yourself in her place. Meet your daughter in the middle----a place of mystery where true communication and healing can happen.
I Meet My Daughter in the Middle When . . .
- I have a heart that is open and ready to listen.
- I let go of distractions and become fully present to her.
- I listen attentively without offering solutions or judgments.
- I keep my emotions in check, no matter what troubles she tells.
- I give her the message that I am strong enough to hold her pain.
- I share stories that rise from the depth of my heart.
- I embrace the silence between us as a healing presence.
I hope you will come to recognize the value of sharing with your daughter the tender and painful growing-up stories that live in your heart. Together the two of you can enter into a time of story, silence, and prayer--and experience authentic connection with each other and with God.
But wait! you say. My daughter and I don't have time to try out the sharing that Growing Up Girl offers.
That's okay. Just reading the stories and thinking about your own stories can be enough to change your perspective. You don't have to make sharing time with your daughter "one more thing" to cram into an already-busy schedule. There are many things you can do to open your heart to your daughter. Here are a few ideas:
Top Ten Tips for Moms of Growing Up Girls
- If your daughter feels like talking at an inconvenient time, Drop Everything And Listen (DEAL). You’ll be glad you did.
- If your attention wanders while your daughter is talking to you, admit it. Tell her you got distracted and ask for a recap. Most likely, rather than being annoyed, she will appreciate your honesty and know you are really trying to give your full attention.
- If your daughter is in the clutches of a sour mood, don’t react or ask her what’s wrong. Give her space. Trust that you will be able to reconnect with her when she’s feeling better.
- If an angry silence sprouts between you and your daughter, transform your own attitude into one of gentleness and warmth. You can’t change your daughter’s attitude but you can change yours.
- Try not to take slights personally, even if your daughter’s rejection of you stings. Instead of nursing hurt feelings, radiate a peaceful presence. Your daughter will be able to sense your love for her.
- Write a love note to your daughter--or a love poem if you’re feeling especially creative--and tuck it into her lunch bag.
- Write a "Thinking of You" card to your daughter and put it on her pillow.
- Set out a spiral notebook. Invite your daughter to write a note to you when something is hard for her to talk about. Promise her you will write back.
- Do something fun together--a hot cocoa and croissant date, a shopping trip to her favorite store, a movie, a board game marathon. Laugh and enjoy each other.
- Practice de-cluttering your heart. Let go of the to-do lists, the crazy schedules, the minute-by-minute agenda. Stop, become aware of your breathing, settle into your body--and make room for your daughter.
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